Comedic Jew

Besides doing stand-up comedy, Iliza Shlesinger is an actress, author and TV host (of dating, game and talk shows). Here are twenty of her sauciest tweets…

25 Oct 2010: I wore extensions today and want the world to forget my sex tape and think of me as a serious actress. Save Africa.

25 Oct 2010: Started my own fashion line for girls who wanna go right from the porn set to spin class and don’t have room in their 96 Miada to change.

8 Jan 2011: Omg. Guccie Mane’s “SEX IN CRAZY PLACES” is the most ridiculous song I’ve ever heard.

30 Jan 2012: I love Rosemary crackers. Sounds like a really white trash porn star. Haha.

5 Feb 2012: ABCFamily edits out all the sex in DirtyDancing- guess it’s ok for kids2b upat11 on a school night but they can’t learn where they came from

18 Feb 2012: Lifetime did a whole movie about sex addiction and didn’t show a boob? BS.

20 Apr 2012: Me: the internet on set sux. Producer: well, it’s not meant to handle multiple simultaneous streaming porn sites. Me: why not?

5 May 2012: ALL WOMEN WITH HUGE FAKE BOOBS will do porn.

13 Jun 2012: Anytime you angle down on a girl – it always looks like her casting photo for porn.

6 Oct 2012: Some girl in a sex chat ad goes “I like guys that r younger than me and I love guys that r older than me” oh, so like…guys…in general.

25 Aug 2013: #VMAs I’m not kidding, I thought Ariana Grande was a porn star. How is she not with THAT name?

25 Aug 2013: Ariana Grande is singing about sex…and she’s 20 but looks 14. This is To Catch a Predator, the musical.

27 Feb 2014: No one on Real Sex was attractive. Maybe it was just the 90s. Horrible decade for faces and bodies.

27 Feb 2014: They asked a gross girl “What makes you orgasm?” She said “Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia and a dildo.” Hacky female comics everywhere took notes.

7 Mar 2014: Thunder Valley sounds like an overweight porn star name.

4 Aug 2014: I would rather watch Faces of Death while eating chili followed by a snuff film starring children than Hulk Hogan’s sex tape.

28 Sep 2014: I can’t tell if my neighbor is watching the game or having sex. “YES! F#CK! IT’S IN! F#CK! YES! F#CK YOU! UGH! OUCH! MY BUTTHOLE!”

1 Sep 2015: Brunch? A couples Tantric Yoga class? What about CUDDLING?! WHAT ABOUT F#CKING AND CUDDLING?! NO, I don’t want to rush into missionary sex.

26 Aug 2016: All the skater hipster clothing stores on Farifax are for dudes who don’t like to have sex.

4 Feb 2017: Like, I don’t wanna hear my friends having sex – why are people so interested in how strangers have sex? F#cking weird. Mind yo business.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s