Claire Dames, not to be confused with Claire Danes, is an actress who is more likely to fake orgasms off camera than on camera. Ironically, her real name sounds more fake because of the alliteration and exotic forename. You should never take people’s Twitter accounts for granted, since they can easily delete them and you won’t be able to find an archived version (even if you click the cached button during a Google search). Feast your eyes on the tastiest of tweets. It really doesn’t get any tastier than these forty and naughty observations:
17 Jan 2010: I’m gonna take you back to MySpace so you can Twitter all over my Facebook!
19 Feb 2010: Leaving on a jet. Off to Jersey I go! Shooting for Facialabuse.com today. Can’t wait. I need the fun abuse!
23 Feb 2010: What happens when you mix lube, confetti and corn oil? ;-P
28 Feb 2010 (6:08 AM): A woman was shot two doors down, then the guy shot at the cops and barricaded himself in his place. Quite a morning adrenaline rush!
Same day (6:26 AM): So glad my friend Nina around the corner woke up. Having mimosas at her house now. Helicopters are still circling. So CRAZY!!!
Ditto (10:41 AM): Snipers on the rooftops now, I almost wish they’d just shoot him and let us all get on with our days. He already shot a woman and shot a cop!
Likewise (11:17 AM): More gun shots. This is in Tarzana, just off of Hatteras St. I’m surprised I haven’t seen it on the news yet!
1 Mar 2010: Thank you all for the support yesterday! It was pretty scary, but I finally got into my place safe and sound last night. Epic.
Part 2: 10-hour Tarzana standoff ends with man’s arrest http://bit.ly/945d1c
The conclusion: The woman was shot in the living room that backs up to mine. Officers on the scene informed me that the woman is in stable condition. 🙂
16 Mar 2010: Sitting at the court house to file a restraining order. What a FUN morning! Jeez!
18 Mar 2010: What a crazy night. I got molested by Ron Jeremy, well , not fully….but it definitely made for an interesting evening! Time for bed. SO TIRED.
20 Mar 2010: I hate it when people pretend to be what they really aren’t! I’m half contemplating becoming a full-blown lesbian! Perhaps they understand.
29 Aug 2010: Wow. Grocery shopping and I’ve never wanted to bang a butcher so bad in my life! Accents get me everytime!
26 Sep 2010: A guy grabbed my boob tonight and said “I was just seeing if the contour under the shirt was the same!”
28 Dec 2010: I can think of naughty things to do with a candy cane THIS big lol.
6 Jan 2011: Oh and I am going to have a dirty whore contest in Vegas if anyone is down. Whichever girls hook up with the most guys.
1 May 2011: Gotta love the homeless crackheads strolling around downtown barefoot screaming obscenities at their imaginary friends. Happy Sunday!
13 May 2011: I love Fri the 13ths. It’s always a crazy time! My last b’day was a Fri the 13th. My 13th was also on Fri the 13th.
4 Jun 2011: I only saw a few suggestions before I left the store, so I got “I, Monster” about serial killers and Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk <3 his books.
17 Jul 2011: Most retarded but epic Vegas trip ever. It felt like The Hangover, only girl style.
21 Jul 2011: I may need to go to the Dr. today, still having severe headaches and dizziness from “supposed friend” hitting me in the head in Vegas. : (
16 Sep 2011: @LaShoeGal I’m drinking wine. Haha…and yes, I LOVED the hot british marine guys we molested last night. Awww, these will be great memories!
18 Oct 2011: Just gotta roll with the punches. Got my car back yesterday and some little punks in my neighborhood decided to egg my car last night!
18 Dec 2011: @lil3ichmann lmao, I knew exactly what I was signing up for when I chose to do facial abuse and it didn’t bother me at all; it was acting.
To be continued: @lil3ichmann You can’t say they take advantage of the vulnerable if the “vulnerable” know what they are doing and are confident enough to handle it.
2 Jan 2012: The gym stinks! Yuck. Stupid people and their new years resolutions to get in shape. They never stick to it. A month of stink.
18 Jan 2012: Nobody has ever approached me at the gym recognizing me. Fact. I’m glad. The gym is always sweaty and gross. Ick!
20 Jan 2012: Gym time. I need to sweat out whatever alcohol remains in my system.
24 Jan 2012: Now watching intervention about a severe alcoholic. Feeling better about my excessive drinking in Vegas. lol.
30 Jan 2012: Sorry, I have been MIA. Trying to balance a very full load right now. Yes, I said load. Haha.
16 Mar 2012: I just heard that milk takes away the burning when you get a cum-shot in the eye. Good fact to know. 🙂
18 Mar 2012: Just want to clear the air a little. There are always two sides to every story, I just don’t feel the need to air all my drama on here.
22 Mar 2012: I have to say, limping around campus with a leg immobilizer may be my sexiest look ever! Haha.
25 Mar 2012: How come all the best foods are shaped like d!cks? When I am in public eating anything d!ck shaped, I can feel eyeballs burning me.
28 Mar 2012: An orgasm, morning shower sex, a Starbucks chai tea latte dirty, and a protein style In-n-Out burger = one happy girl!
13 Apr 2012: At the DMV, ugly toothless fat people all around me. Now I know where to come the next time I need a confidence boost.
2 Oct 2012: Porn was a big discussion in my biz law class tonight. I sometimes wonder if my professors recognize me.
4 Oct 2012: Laser tattoo removal consult today. “Hit it harder” will be gone in the very near future! Can’t wait to have my tummy sexy and ink free again.
24 May 2013: So webcaming….does anyone have GOOD advice on the best company to go with? I don’t want to get raped and only paid 35%.