Dater data

OkCupid is on its way to eclipsing Plenty of Fish by stopping men from sending multiple messages unless interest is reciprocated. OKC also forces people to answer questions, and the sites shows the high percentage in compatibility that you share with someone. Three women in the entertainment industry shared high percentages with me – Megan Mitchell (99%), Sarah Elizabeth Jensen (96%) and Marlena Kaesler (93%). The below woman, Megan, is the 28-year-old mind behind Cruel Diagonals. Born on December 28 in 1990 and based in Los Angeles, this is her dossier: Bisexual, single, open to either monogamy or non-monogamy, 5’ 8”, Curvy, White, Politically liberal, Speaks English and French, Digital Archivist, Attended Post-grad, Agnostic, Capricorn, Doesn’t smoke cigarettes, Doesn’t drink, Never smokes marijuana, Vegan, Doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want them, Looking for people for short & long term dating and new friends.


Strong Female Lead/Sweet Angel Freak Baby.

Outspoken, sensitive, creative weirdo. Funny and serious. Loner who can ham it up one on one.

Musician/vocalist/field recordist, archivist by profession.

Black lives matter/trans lives matter/intersectional feminism – not here to argue those points, but these are things we must agree on.

*I don’t drink alcohol and have zero interest in bar culture or meeting up for mimosas. If you are into me, please think of something more creative to do. Some ideas: go to a botanical garden, go to a tea shop, walk in nature somewhere, eat falafel together, go to a low key show, feed me French pastries, etc.*


Experimenting with sound and music, rooting and uprooting.

Planning a solo trip to Iceland.

Trying to get out of my comfort zone more.

Best skills

Emotional intelligence, reading people, singing, procrastination.

Her style can be described as

Vintage brat.


Books: French modernist/avant garde, late 19th century smut (v specific, I KNOW), feminist/critical theory, philosophy. More specifically, Borges, Bolaño, Lispector, Camus, De Beauvoir, Violette LeDuc, Nabokov, Foucault, bell hooks, Maggie Nelson, Hrabal, etc.

Movies: lots of foreign art house (I f#ck with Criterion collection). Fave filmmakers: Pedro Almodóvar, Agnès Varda, Apichatpong Weerasethakul, Wong Kar-wai. Fave films: La Jetée, Persona, Color of Pomegranates, Daisies, Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, Close Up, The Gleaners and I, Woman in the Dunes…

TV: less discerning than I should be. I watch a sh!t ton of standup comedy and crime dramas.

Music: hugely important to me and unfortunately kind of a turnoff if you’re not into some similar stuff. Experimental electronic, krautrock, no wave, post-punk, industrial, noise, techno, minimalism, musique concrète, ambient, IDM, synth f#ckery. If it’s weird I’ll try it. Also really into traditional music from Iran, Turkish psych, and traditional Baltic music. I also make music.

Food: Vegan. Vietnamese, Thai, Indian, Burmese, healthy stuff, mostly.

Six things that she could never do without

Animal companionship.

Dark and or absurdist humor.

Creative expressions of loneliness as salve for the human condition.

Chosen family.

Hilarious, brilliant women.

Appealing and sometimes unappealing frequencies.

She likes to take pictures of

Textures, patterns, rocks.

A perfect day

A cute hike in the morning, finding a sonically appealing spot to record, vegan smoothies and salads, good tea, nap time, cuddles with my pup.

This is the saddest song ever written

Many, many contenders, but this is a good wallow.

What she is actually looking for

Tender, sensitive weirdos who would like something along the spectrum between friend and long time lover. Open to casual or serious, just be NICE.

Not interested in:

  • getting ghosted
  • avoidant people/attachment-phobic people
  • dating one person in an open relationship (sorry, I’ve tried and it’s too hard, but def down to date a couple)
  • burners
  • cops
  • TERFs/transphobia
  • mental health shamers (store-bought serotonin is fine!)
  • “yoga/kale can fix all your problems”

We don’t have to like all the same things, but we should hate most of the same things. Lastly, I’m a D/S (switch) seeking the same.

The romantic equivalent to a job interview

Would you date someone who was in considerable debt?

Yes, if I thought the debt were justified.

Is it okay to answer your cell phone while out with a friend or on a date?

No, that’s just rude.

“With some exceptions, of course, but I am pretty adamant about having phones away when I’m with someone else.”

How important is it to you that your partner smell good?

Very damn important.

Would you consider having an open relationship (i.e., one where you can see other people)?


Is jealousy healthy in a relationship?


Do you think it’s important to challenge typical gender roles in dating?


Are you looking for a partner to have children with?


Do you think drug use with your partner can be a romantic activity?


How often are you open with your feelings?


Choose the better romantic activity – kissing in Paris or in a tent within the woods?

Kissing in Paris.

Could you date someone who does drugs?


“Depends on the drug(s)/frequency.”

About how long do you want your next relationship to last?

A few months to a year.

In a relationship, who do you prefer to be taller?

It doesn’t matter to me.

Could you date someone who has strong political opinions that are the exact opposite of yours?


Would you be willing to date someone with Attention Deficit Disorder?


Are you ready to settle down and get married right now?

Get married no, settle down yes.

What is your preferred cuddling position?

All spoons.

How important is money/wealth for you in a match?

Not important at all.

Does your partner have to be an active reader?


Could you date someone who was really messy?


What is too big of an age gap between you and a partner?

Age is just a number.

For you personally, is abortion an option in case of an accidental pregnancy?


Could you date someone with no long-term goals?


Can you tell from someone’s dating profile whether or not you’ll get along in real life?

Yes, usually.

Would you date someone who was always optimistic?


Which is scarier to reveal to a new partner?

Your emotions.

When texting with a potential partner, is use of proper grammar and spelling important to you?


Is it important to you that your partner practices the same religion as you?

No, I don’t practice a religion.

Which of these options most closely describes what you’re looking for in your next relationship – someone to go out with, someone to come to or someone for tonight?

Someone to go out with.

Could you date someone who doesn’t vote?

Absolutely Not.

Would you be open to a long-distance relationship?

It depends on how far away they are.

How important is it that your partner be willing and able to participate in meaningful philosophical conversations?

Extremely important.

Is it possible for your partner to be too ambitious?


How do you feel about falling in love?

I like to just let it happen.

Do you Google someone before a first date?

Yes. Knowledge is power!

Would you prefer a group first date or one-on-one?

One-on-one, I want to get to know that person.

Best first date?

Something cultural or activity based.

Would you consider sleeping with someone on the first date?


Say you’ve started seeing someone you really like. As far as you’re concerned, how long will it take before you have sex?

1-2 dates.

Once you’re intimate, how often would you and your significant other have sex?

About every other day.

If you had to choose one of the following, which best describes the role of sex in your life?

Sex is one of my favorite activities.

Regardless of future plans, what’s more interesting to you right now – love or sex?


How do you think your sex drive compares to what is typical for other people of your age and gender?

My sex drive is higher than average.

In terms of sex, how experienced would your ideal mate be (with people other than you)?

Very experienced.

Would you consider performing analingus on a partner who asked you to?


How open are you to trying new things in bed?

Very open. I’ll try anything once.

If your partner wanted you to say a specific phrase during sex, would you?

Maybe, it would depend upon the phrase.

Divide your age by 2. Have you had sex with at least that many people?


How often do you masturbate?

A few times a week.

Do you believe that regular sex is necessary in maintaining a healthy relationship?


How do you feel about golden showers?

They’re a turn on.

Hypothetically, do you think you would be good at being a porn star?


Receiving anal sex?

I like it / I think I might like it.

When having sex, do you like to have your hair pulled?

Yes, and hard!

Do you prefer sex rough or gentle?


Would you like to receive pain during sex?

Yes, some.

Do you bring up STD results/risk factors before you start fooling around?


Would you ever consider making a sex video with your partner?

Yes, and I have.

Would you date someone who has genital herpes?


Group sex (with 3 or more people)?

It seriously interests me.

Do you want your partner to be kinkier than you?


Have you ever had a sexual encounter with someone of the same sex?

Yes, and I enjoyed myself.

You’re in a new relationship and your partner admits that they have had 14 sexual partners. Does that sound like a lot to you?

No, that’s nothing.

In your ideal sexual encounter, do you take control, or do they?

They take control.

Would you rather…

Sometimes be tied up, sometimes do the tying.

Which is better: sex without sleeping together or sleeping together without sex?


Blindfolds in bed:

I could take them or leave them.

Would you allow your partner to kiss you after performing oral sex on you?

Allow? I enjoy it.

Imagine that your partner does not enjoy performing oral sex and refuses to ever perform it on you. How disappointed would you be?

Extremely disappointed.

Are you fetish-friendly?

Bring out the toys!

Immediately after having sex with a partner, which of the following sounds most appealing?

Cuddling with them.

Orgasms are clearly the most important part of sex.

I disagree.

Do you have a fetish that you would like to employ in your next relationship?

Yes, but I’m not saying it out in the open.

Next up is Sarah, a 23-year-old actress who was born on September 1, 1995. The cover of my article was derived from her Instagram page, whose link that she granted access to for those on OkCupid. Based in Brooklyn, the following is her low-down on OKC: Bisexual, Woman, Single, Monogamous 5’ 6”, Fit, White, Speaks English, Working on University, Smokes cigarettes sometimes, Drinks sometimes, Vegetarian Looking for people for short & long term dating and new friends.

Succinct self-summary

Majored in acting with a minor in how to live in abject poverty.

Twitter/Instagram: @saraheljensen

Current goal

Applying to grad school.

I’m really good at

Steaming milk. My latte art is tight but also I have a degree in acting that I use sometimes.

Favourite books and television shows

Books: Sapiens, Homo Deus, 21 lessons for the 21st Century, Conscious, Slaughterhouse Five, In Cold Blood, True and False.

TV: Barry, Succession, Flea Bag, Sex Education, Game of Thrones.

I value

Sounds cliche but emotional availability is cool.

The last show I binged

Big Little Lies (second season was bad) (but I loved every second).

The dating equivalent to a job interview

Once you’re intimate, how often would you and your significant other have sex?

Once or twice a week.

About how long do you want your next relationship to last?

A few months to a year.

Are you either vegetarian or vegan?


Do you ever feel socially awkward?


Regardless of future plans, what’s more interesting to you right now – love or sex?


Could you date someone who was really messy?


Could you date someone who does drugs?


Do you enjoy intense intellectual conversations?


Could you date someone with no long-term goals?


Do you go to great lengths to avoid conflict?


Say you’ve started seeing someone you really like. As far as you’re concerned, how long will it take before you have sex?

3-5 dates.

Is jealousy healthy in a relationship?


How often are you open with your feelings?


Would you consider having an open relationship (i.e., one where you can see other people)?


Which word describes you better?


Is astrological sign at all important in a match?


What is the most exciting thing about getting to know someone new?

Discovering your shared interests.

Which makes for a better relationship?


Would you consider sleeping with someone on the first date?


Do you want your partner to be kinkier than you?


Last and least is Marlena – a 35-year-old comedienne and costume designer for all things screen, whether it be television or film. Her birthday is on July 13, 1983. She’s also an actress, hence the below headshot. In 2013, she acted in a period Sci-Fi pilot called Horizon. She was in an indie band called Republic of Safety. Among the 538 questions that she answered for OkCupid’s survey, she only gave explanations to 23 of the relationship-related questions. The fact that she felt compelled to elaborate provides some insight into what drives her. Here is the skinny on this Toronto-based individual: Straight, Woman, Single, Monogamous, 5’ 1”, Average build, Speaks English, Doesn’t smoke cigarettes, Drinks sometimes, Doesn’t have kids, Looking for single men for short & long term dating and new friends.

The blurb of this open book of a woman

An ambitious lady that likes to laugh. I am slightly curvy. I like people who like to travel. I am dating to find a relationship. I have a pet bird. It is small but out of the cage a lot.

What I’m doing with my life

I’m very creative. I write, make clothing, do makeup and act. I work in costumes for film and television.

I’m really good at

Acting like a fool.

Media and meat

The Labyrinth is still one of my favorite movies (David Bowie rules).

I love David Sedaris.

I love Italian food.

Six necessities

Art, museums, my smart phone, sidewalks, my sewing machine, my camera.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

What kind of creative project I’m going to do next.

On a typical Friday night I am

Having a small get together with friends.

You should message me if

You are genuine, love doing various cultured things, like comedy.

OKC’s equivalent to a job interview

Do you like kissing in public?


“As long as it’s romantic.”

Have you ever seriously questioned your sexuality and whether it was different from what you first assumed?


“I don’t care what your sexuality is, as long as you are comfortable and confident with it and remain in a committed relationship with me (should we choose that path).”

Do you have time for a committed relationship in your life at this point?

Yes, absolutely.

“My work schedule can be challenging in the summer but I always make it work.”

What was the duration of your longest romantic relationship?

More than five years.

“If you’re around my age and haven’t had a long-term relationship by now, it may be time to seek counseling before going on a dating app.”

Would you be willing to date someone with Attention Deficit Disorder?


“I have it.”

Would you date a recovering (non-drinking) alcoholic?


“As long as they were serious about their recovery.”

Not ideally, but realistically, do you flock to the “bad” boys/girls?


“No way. I flock to people who respect me and my time, who are excited about me, and I dump those who don’t. I do however respect those who stand up for their rights…but I don’t consider that as being bad.”

Would you be willing to date a musician?

I really don’t know.

“Have had many bad experiences with musicians. Am sure reluctant now.”

Would you ever correct your partner for seriously misusing or mispronouncing a word?


In a polite respectful manner that is kind.”

Do you think that smarter people are usually capable of deeper love?


“Until we can measure all aspects of aptitudes”smart” is a very general and dismissive word.”

If your significant other has not reached the same educational level as you, is this a turn off?


“You can’t learn everything in school but I expect to be with a partner that is knowledgeable and curious about the world.”

Would the idea of a quiet evening sitting together reading books ever appeal to you?


“Only if we weren’t just ignoring each other.”

Could you date someone with a significant Taoist lean in their outlook on life?

Sure, why not?

“I’m open to all religions.”

How do you like your social plans?


“I love both solid plans and tentative ones. But I believe if you are excited to hang out with someone, you will make solid plans.”

Do you enjoy conversation during breakfast?


“I’m quiet but daintily cheerful.”

My hair is usually…

Given a good combing.

“Depends on the day. Not every day requires full hair and makeup. Prioritize!”

When it comes to your pubic hair, do you make a regular effort to maintain its appearance (or lack thereof)?


“Within reason. Partner has to be OK that pubic hair is not a priority when you are working an 80 hour week.”

How much would you dress up for a first date with someone you met on OkCupid?

I’d go all out.

“I always go all out because I love dressing up.”

Do you try to draw attention to your body by wearing seductive clothing?


“I make most of my own clothes, so clothing is a statement, expression and artwork to me. It’s not necessarily to draw attention to my body, it also draws attention to my style, skill and personality.”

Do you like wearing formal attire?

Yes, I love dressing up.


Would you wear your partner’s underclothing if they wanted you to?


“Like a tee-shirt. I’m 5ft1 dude. Not gonna fit into anything other than a tee-shirt.”

Do you usually wear cologne or perfume?


“In the entertainment industry scents are banned due to sensitivity and allergies.”

Not including Halloween, do you enjoy dressing up in costumes?

Yes – Every chance I get.

“I am costume designer.”

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