Alia Janine is the queen of comedy, hence why I chose the cover of Queen’s Hot Space album to go with her own artistic creation. If music is the food of love then her comedic mentality is a bohemian rhapsody. Her name is reminiscent of Alison Janney (another actress) yet her face is reminiscent of Denise Huth (a well-known executive producer of The Walking Dead). Here are this comedienne’s tweets prior to the election of Donald Trump…

Jan 7 2011: Verbal castration is a specialty of mine.

Feb 15 2014: You know what would be cool?! If people didn’t have to “announce” that they’re gay. I mean, black people don’t have to do it anymore.

Feb 24 2014: Its like my neighbor doesn’t even know her pounding for the past hour is what is going to get her face smashed in. Weird….

May 19 2014: Watching Michael Jackson “perform” right now is no different than petting a dead stuffed dog. Super creepy yet socially acceptable, some how.

Jul 4 2014: #July4th the day of our independence from Britain…. Let me know when we can celebrate our independence from our own government. Thanks!

Aug 14 2014: The only thing worse than tragic occurrences happening are the ppl that exploit them to gain recognition or use them as a soapbox. #Murica

Aug 30 2014: Joan Rivers is too cranky to die yet. She hasn’t p!$$ed off nearly enough people. She’s got at least 2-3 more times of this before we worry.

Aug 31 2014: The only time Wisconsin trends on Twitter is when it’s about football or another serial killer. #Wisconsin

Sep 3 2014: If only the people that tweeted inspiring life lessons actually did what they said, they probably wouldnt look so f#cking crazy tweeting it.

Sep 28 2014: I’ve watched so much Forensic Files this weekend Im fairly certain I would make the best serial killer.

Oct 15 2014:  Aretha Franklin > Ariana Grande.

Seriously, Ariana sounds like a prepubescent screeching owl.

Nov 20 2014: When a woman reaches a certain age her body starts telling her she should have a baby. I just dreamt that I killed a baby. Your move, biology.

Nov 21 2014: Nothing says true love like a restraining order.

Nov 27 2014: How are people surprised how people treat each other on #BlackFriday when the day before they celebrated the genocide of an entire race?

Nov 30 2014: I just found out about the “other messages” on Facebook… It’s scary in there. So. Very. Scary.

Dec 1 2014: If you made one comment, good or bad, about there being a black stormtrooper, you’re a racist. Why can’t he be just a dude on the dark side?

Dec 8 2014: Nothing says good morning like waking up to drilling, Police sirens, and a helicopter. #NYC

Dec 14 2014: As my period was starting U2’s ‘Sunday Bloody Sunday‘ comes on the radio, and people wonder why Im crazy? Like, really?

Dec 22 2014: So wait…. The police can afford tanks and assault riffles, but they’re still using a fax machine?

Dec 23 2014: Isn’t it a little late to be reading “self help” books if you’re over 50?

Dec 24 2014: I don’t know what I would do without Facebook telling me how great my friends are at lying about how wonderful their year was….

Dec 25 2014: One of my doormen is in LOVE w/me, like he calls me “love,” so when I bring a guy home that pretty much makes him my cuckhold, right?

Dec 29 2014: Relationship status: just ordered $600 worth of sex toys.

Jan 6 2015: I miss the days when I used to think snow was cocaine falling from the sky…. What? They both make my nose runny.

jan 7 2015: I’ve never been to an Alcoholic Anonymous meeting, but I have been an anonymous alcoholic, so that counts, right?

Jan 30 2015: If (when) I ever win the lottery it will be nice to know that men won’t just be using me for sex.

Feb 8 2015: If I have learned anything from 8 seasons of Criminal Minds is that serial killers and a lot of my ex-boyfriends really like ketamine.

Feb 20 2015: I was never really a bed wetter growing up, but after just squirting all over my own bed I can sympathize with the shame and regret.

Apr 29 2015: Thinking about changing my bio to- “has swallowed billions of unborn babies.”

Jun 1 2015: I preferred dating the “bad” guy because he’s more honest about his intentions than the “nice” guy that can’t figure out what he wants.

Jun 11 2015: You know you’re getting old when you turn from the “cool chick” to the “cool lady.” It’s ok though, I got Botox, they can’t see the sadness.

Aug 18 2015: Some of the advice I’ve been hearing from self proclaimed “sex educators” is atrocious. I like to cook a lot, doesn’t make me a chef.

Dec 2 2015: Nothing like being woken up at 8am by a couple of detectives flirting w/your roommate while asking about a wanted violent sex offender.

Dec 30 2015: I just heard a commercial for a movie called “Daddy’s Home” and it’s only rated PG-13, and now I don’t know what’s real anymore.

June 28 2016: I’m basically playing the internet’s version of whack-a-mole today with emails.

Jul 25 2016: Has anyone told @realDonaldTrump elections are not auditions for @VeepHBO yet? He seems very confused.

Oct 28 2016: S/O to all the mainstream actors/directors/producers/athletes/musicians that slide into porn star’s DMs but arent supporting #NoOnProp60

Nov 2 2016: Does anyone stop and think to themselves, “Donald Trump is running for president” and then just laugh hysterically until you cry? Just me?

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s