Heavy metal’s Desert Island Discs

Metal Hammer magazine has a feature titled Discs of Doom. If interviewed, this is what I would’ve said…

The best album artwork is: Martin Handford’s cover for Magnets by The Vapors. It’s the Where’s Wally? of album covers.

The album that should not be: The Kids from Widney High’s Special Music from Special Kids. There’s nothing wrong with mentally retarded kids liking music, but the record company had to know that this album would result in ridicule.

The album that I would race a car in is: Dark Angel’s Darkness Descends. It’s truly total thrash. Phil Anselmo shares this preference.

A kid comes up to me and asks me what metal is, so I give a copy of: Ratt’s EP. The progression of Ratt’s sound from 1983 to 1990 is opposite to Pantera’s. However, the songs on Ratt’s EP are not as technical as Pantera’s Cowboys from Hell. The level of technicality is akin to Pantera’s Vulgar Displays of Power because the heaviest riffs are usually the slower ones (e.g. Metallica’s Sad but True). A friend of mine (Sam) found it hard to believe that Ratt did groove metal because he associates groove metal with Lamb of God. However, Lamb of God sonically reside in the gap between groove metal and death metal.

The album that I want played at my funeral is: Enya’s The Memory of Trees. This is because the number of circles on a fingerprint is said to illustrate how old someone is, like the number of circles on an oak does.

The album that reminds me of school is: Eminem’s The Slim Shady LP. So many kids idolized him to the point of emulation. If he didn’t exist, they would’ve been obsessed with Limp Bizkit. The same goes for the rest of the population.

The album that I work out to is: Pantera’s Far Beyond Driven. The title speaks for itself in a self-explanatory way as does one of the song titles – Strength Beyond Strength. Becoming is the theme tune for narcissism. 5 Minutes Alone is the anthem for punch-drunkards and self-defenders.

The album that I wish I had made: Armored Saint’s Symbol of Salvation. Instead of band members vying for the most attention, they were unified because of a recently deceased bandmate. There are many bands who try to hit 2 birds with 1 stone by saying their albums are heavy and melodic, but those albums don’t hold a candle to this. The lyrics are original, diverse and intelligent altogether. There’s a song for every occasion no matter what mood you are in.

No-one will believe I own a copy of: Metallica’s Live in Argentina. It’s a rare 1992 box set. It came with a booklet which has rare photos (e.g. Lars on a tennis court) and surprising biographies (e.g. Lars is such a film buff that he possesses a diverse collection of more than 1000 films).

The first album that I ever bought was: Eminem’s The Marshall Mathers LP. He convinced me that poetry didn’t have to be lame.

The album that gets me through tough times is: Charm by Intimate Strangers. It’s charming enough to be described as the perfect new wave album, hence the title.


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