Heavy metal’s Desert Island Discs

Metal Hammer magazine has a feature titled Discs of Doom. If I was interviewed as a bandmate, this is what I would’ve said…



The best album artwork is: Martin Handford’s cover for Magnets by The Vapors. It’s the Where’s Wally? of album covers.



The album that should not be: There’s nothing wrong with retarded kids making music, but the record company had to know that this album would result in major ridicule. There’s a reason why Spastik Children (a Metallica side project) never released a record.



The album that I would race a car in: It’s truly total thrash. Phil Anselmo shares this preference.



A kid comes up to me and asks me what metal is, so I give a copy of: Ratt’s EP. The progression of Ratt’s sound from 1983 to 1990 is opposite to Pantera’s. However, the songs on Ratt’s EP are not as complex as Pantera’s Cowboys from Hell. The level of complexity is akin to Pantera’s Vulgar Displays of Power because the heaviest riffs are usually the slower ones (e.g. Metallica’s Sad but True). A friend of mine found it hard to believe that Ratt did groove metal because he associates groove metal with Lamb of God. However, Lamb of God sonically reside in the gap between groove metal and death metal.



The album that I want played at my funeral: is by Enya. This is because the number of circles on a fingerprint is said to illustrate how old someone is, like how the number of circles on an oak does.



The album that reminds me of school is: by Eminem. So many kids idolized him to the point of emulation. If he didn’t exist, they would’ve been obsessed with Limp Bizkit. The same goes for the rest of the population.



The album that I would work out to: The title speaks for itself as does one of the song titles – Strength Beyond Strength. Becoming is the ultimate theme tune for narcissism. Use My Third Arm is about as masculine as it gets, lyrically. Finally, 5 Minutes Alone is, bar none, the quintessential war-cry for punch-drunkards and self-defenders.



The album that I wish I had made: Instead of band members vying for the most attention, they were unified because of a recently deceased bandmate. There are many bands who try to hit 2 birds with one stone by saying their albums are heavy and melodic, but those albums don’t hold a candle to this. The lyrics are original, diverse and intelligent altogether. There’s a song for every occasion no matter what mood that you are in.



No-one will believe I own a copy of: Metallica’s Pure Metal. It’s a rare box set which is different from other live albums. It came with a booklet which also has rare photos (e.g. Lars Ulrich on a tennis court as he embarked on his millionaire phase) and surprising biographies (e.g. Lars is such a film fan that he possesses a diverse collection of over a thousand films).



The first album that I ever bought: He convinced me that poetry didn’t have to be lame.



The album that gets me through tough times is: Charm. It’s charming enough to be described as the perfect new wave album, hence the title. Ironically, their best song was left off the album. It’s a career-ending shame because Self-Made Man, the second-to-none yuppie anthem, could’ve been a huge hit.

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