Rock band rules

1) The lyrics should be diverse so that everyone can relate to them.
2) Your music should have varied themes so that it can be placed on soundtracks.
3) Detune the guitars so that the band has more presence at a gig.


4) Your stage show should be spectacular like theater.
5) Indoor gigs should be preferable because the sound is more concentrated.
6) If you intend to play a festival, go for an eclectic one.


7) Be interviewed by many interviewers regardless of their status.
8) Always ensure that the royalties for every song are equally divided.
9) Bands fall out in the mixing room, so your band shouldn’t be allowed in.


10) Each verse and chorus should have different mixing.
11) If you can’t think of a good album title, use a discarded one from another artist.
12) The year is a better title than a self-titled album e.g. Van Halen’s 1984.


13) Radio stations should always be approached.
14) Your record won’t be wanted if you play every song from it.
15) Videos are not necessary in establishing a band.


16) Tour in as many places as possible, even small places.
17) A gig shouldn’t be cancelled if the singer has a sore throat.
18) Music videos should have narratives directed by famous TV/movie directors.


19) Music videos shouldn’t ruin the mystery of how a band plays in public.
20) You should always make time for your fans.
21) Get the headliner to contractually concur that they can’t compromise your show.


22) Don’t socialize with other bands because you might get plagiarized.
23) Never turn down an opportunity to have your song placed on a soundtrack.
24) Don’t trash your inn room or the inn in general.


25) There’s nothing wrong with being a party band or a wedding band.
26) Socialize with celebrities outside of your scene.
27) Take a vacation to avoid being overexposed to the public and each other.


28) Every album should have a different producer.
29) If you can’t work with your ideal producer, hire their engineer.
30) Be polite to the opening act because otherwise they will get back at you.


The featured band is Barbe-Q-Barbies. They wrote a song called Breaking All the Rules.

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