Showmance and blind items

There is a pattern – when movies tank at the box office, so do the romantic relationships behind them. Here is a cherry-picked list of examples:

1) Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie splitting after By the Sea.

2) Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise signifying the end of the decade with Eyes Wide Shut.

3) Cutthroat Island made Geena Davis and Renny Harlin see cutthroat Hollywood.

4) Charlize Theron and Sean Penn lost face with The Last Face.

5) Proof of Life meant that Meg Ryan and Russell Crowe did not prove their love.

6) Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez already flopped with Gigli before Jersey Girl (a unique distinction of a movie which flops because of another flop).

7) Just Married didn’t reflect the reality of Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy.

8) Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor alienated each other because of Cleopatra.

Call me a cynic, but the predictable split between Darren Aronofsky and Jennifer Lawrence* proves how some relationships were only meant to last during the course of the film (the opposite of what happened when Kurt Russell romanced Goldie Hawn after the making of Overboard). It was particularly embarrassing for Aronofsky because when the E! Channel’s Zuri Hall asked him about what made Jennifer perfect for the lead role in Mother!, he waffled a bunch of purple prose that would make the most seasoned of authors blush: “She’s a thunderstorm, she’s an earthquake, she’s a hurricane, she’s a tornado of talent, and that’s exactly what I was looking for.”

The Public Relations departments need to realize that the global markets are starting to wise up about showmances, as proven by the cynical responses on Twitter. Even affairs (as trivial as they may seem) are constructs of a mentality that is obsessed with rising through the ranks (or rank-rising), as was the case with the accidental leaking of Rupert Sanders allegedly committing adultery with Kristen Stewart. Adding to the farce was that K-Stew was supposedly committing infidelity on Robert “Don’t call me R-Patz” Pattinson, despite their relationship being a scam for any given press so that their chemistry in the Twilight series had authenticity. Time proved the nitpickers right.

Riddle me this, riddle me that – blind items…

#1: This actor had a genuine relationship with a hipster actress who was given short shrift when he was advised to have a PR relationship with an actress who he had an onscreen relationship with in a heroic franchise.

#2: A long-lasting film studio with a TV department engaged in a scratching of the backs between their latest comic book movie and the latest season of their sitcom. The movie star and sitcom actress were advised to spend time with each other even though the relationship did not last for even half a month. This isn’t as much of a backfire as it sounds. At the time of its release, the superhero movie was the most successful of the franchise until a crossover movie was released.

* Seeing as how her middle name is Shrader, a catchier stage name would’ve been Jenny Shrader. This is also a valid suggestion because the Screen Actors Guild stipulates that you shouldn’t have two actors with the same working name.


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